The Waiting Room

I sat in a crowded waiting room yesterday waiting for another stress test and took some time to look around me. I was surrounded by pregnant women. One of them was reading a book on how to have a “Happy Baby”. Another two of them were reading childbirth/parenting magazines; while another 3 or so typed away on their phones. As expectant moms entered and exited the waiting room, many of them made eye contact with me and immediately smiled. I know what each of them is thinking…….”Oh look! Another pregnant lady just like me! She is big and uncomfortable and soon going to have a wonderful buddle of joy.” I know this because this is how I felt during my first pregnancy. This time around I get a little sad when each one of them smiles at me. Yes I am big, yes I am uncomfortable, however, I am not going to receive a healthy buddle of joy. I can’t help but be a little envious of the other mothers. Not jealous, just envious. Meaning I want to experience the same joy that they are currently experiencing. Carrying this baby has not been joyous. The moment he comes into this world I have NO DOUBT I will be overcome with joy for a fleeting moment. However, there is no way to avoid the fact that the joy will be all too closely followed by a lot of uncertainty.