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Tuesday, April 5, 2011

The Waiting Room


I sat in a crowded waiting room yesterday waiting for another stress test and took some time to look around me. I was surrounded by pregnant women. One of them was reading a book on how to have a “Happy Baby”. Another two of them were reading childbirth/parenting magazines; while another 3 or so typed away on their phones. As expectant moms entered and exited the waiting room, many of them made eye contact with me and immediately smiled. I know what each of them is thinking…….”Oh look! Another pregnant lady just like me! She is big and uncomfortable and soon going to have a wonderful buddle of joy.” I know this because this is how I felt during my first pregnancy. This time around I get a little sad when each one of them smiles at me. Yes I am big, yes I am uncomfortable, however, I am not going to receive a healthy buddle of joy. I can’t help but be a little envious of the other mothers. Not jealous, just envious. Meaning I want to experience the same joy that they are currently experiencing. Carrying this baby has not been joyous. The moment he comes into this world I have NO DOUBT I will be overcome with joy for a fleeting moment. However, there is no way to avoid the fact that the joy will be all too closely followed by a lot of uncertainty.

4 comments:

  1. Janna,one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. It's in Gods hands.
    Ramsey's Grandma Razza
    LCDH survior
    Prayers for you and your family

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  2. So glad you shared this Janna. This is exactly how I feel at the doctor's office right now. Or when some old lady in the grocery store wants touch my belly and be excited for us.

    But I also agree with you that no matter what lies ahead, our babies will bring so much joy to this world.

    Lisa

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  3. I felt that way when he was in NICU ( didnt know about cdh while prego) I would absolutely LOSE it when I saw a baby in a carrier or stroller. Just so emotional....many many emotions as you go thru this journey. Thanks for sharing...
    Devon

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  4. Thank you for sharing this. I have been feeling awful for feeling that way about other people having babies and seeing babies. At UofM, the NICU is on the same floor as L&D and it has been SO hard for me to see the very pregnant in labor moms and the new babies. The day I should have gone home with Grace if she had been healthy, I saw a couple leaving with their new baby and I just couldn't handle it, it just stings. I hope and pray for strength for you in the coming weeks.

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