The Glass is Half Empty, Yet the Glass is Half Full

I read a story this past weekend about 2 moms who became friends during their pregnancies while both carrying babies with CDH.  It was at a different hospital than mine, but the story was the same thing I have read time and time again.  In their case, both their baby’s situations were similar.   Both the babies had the same organs up in the chest cavity (and actually the same organs as my baby as well).  The 2 women delivered within weeks of each other.  One of the babies survived; one did not.    One of the mothers wrote that some babies handle the stress better than others.  Which, again, seems to be a common thread.

As my due date gets closer I am starting to get more nervous.  In our situation the pendulum really falls one of 2 ways – to state the obvious.  Dealing with being told he has a 50% chance of making it is truly an interesting thing.  If the doctors would tell me he has a 40% chance my mind would wander more in a negative direction; if they told me he had a 60% chance I am sure it would swing more positive.  I just think it is human nature to think this way.  However, sitting on a 50/50 statistic really leaves a lot to be desired. The glass is both half empty and half full.

When people ask me what I am having I normally say, “A Boy, hopefully!”  And people look at me like I have 2 heads.   They are most likely either thinking “oh, she doesn’t know what she is having” or “this chick really doesn’t want a girl”.  Let them think whatever they want for a few moments before I tell them the reality of my situation.  Once I bring most people up to speed on my situation they look at me like I have 3 heads, instead of just 2.  Most people have never heard of CDH; including myself until our diagnosis.  Most people do not know what to say to me when I tell them.  It seems most people don’t know what to say to me at all.  It is ok.  I understand.  I don’t know what to say to myself most of the time.

I am now 31 weeks pregnant with 9 weeks left.  I am ready to be done with this.  Not that I want to deliver early by any means, I am just ready to deal with whatever may come and I am tired of WAITING for it to get here. Whether I have to deal with the loss of my child OR, HOPEFLLY, begin what is most likely going to be a long road to his recovery, I AM READY FOR IT. I feel I have handled working full time, family, and a stressful pregnancy fairly well up to this point.   However, I am ready to be done – COME WHAT MAY.